The six of us met in elementary school...
and we've been together ever since.
The sex, the Saturday nights, all of that came way later.
And not all of it was my idea, no matter what they say.
The boxes have been with us as long as we've been together...
and they're a snapshot at any given time of who we are.
The rules of the boxes are simple.
You can put something in...
take something out...
but you have to say why...
and your box can never be empty.
And the rules for the six of us are just as simple...
stay together, be a family...
Iove each other, and never, ever apologize.
# Video, video saved the day #
# Everyone's looking for a game to play #
# No matter what it takes #
# Don't matter if we're hangin' 'round #
# We're gonna take a chance #
# And gonna help ourself to the sound #
# Sipping my wine at the closing stage #
# Golf wing polos are the latest craze #
# I could never understand #
# Never understand what went wrong #
# You know I hate to say #
# But I'm never gonna get that far #
# I've been going nowhere 100 miles an hour #
# I've been going nowhere round and round and round #
# I've been saving myself #
# For a high-speed Saturday night #
# Yeah, yeah, yeah #
Wendy!
Whoo!
- Hi! - Hello!
Nice BMW.
Check this shit out.
Hi.
- Where'd you get your purse? Target? - Hello.
Don't do it.
You can buy 'em. I made mine.
- Hey, wo-man.
- Hey, sweetheart. - Hey.
Seriously, guys, see her tan?
- Yeah. - Yes.
- I know. - That's okay. We have all day.
- Are you serious? - Eww!
- Yikes. - What?
You should burn that hat.
- Yeah. - Wait. No, you can't.
You can't burn it. It's plastic. Toxic fumes.
Well, he could burn a little bit of it.
- Yeah, why not? - Symbolically.
- Come on. - Do it.
Burn it a little bit. It'll be good for you.
- Take the lighter. - "Burn me!"
All right. All right.
"I don't like Von Dutch. Burn me."
- Come on, dude. - Do it.
Ooh, God, it smells really bad. Whoo-hoo-hoo!
- Whoo-whoo! - There it goes!
Sorry about that.
What?
I like your necklace.
"I like your necklace."
Bitch.
Okay, I think we've successfully oriented ourselves.
- Yep. - Shall we?
Ann, let go.
Are you leaving?
- Uh, no, I got to wait for my brother. - Ooh, wrong way.
Bye.
- Bye. - Bye.
- No, I'm taking it. - Bye!
Bye.
All right, so what?
I'll just, uh, call you later?
Call me later.
- Ahh! - Ahh!
Kiss her, yeah!
What the fuck, man?
Seriously.
When did being a lesbian...
become cooler than blowing a rock star?
You've never blown a rock star.
Neither have you.
- So? - So?
What if you could blow a rock star?
Ruin what we have?
Mmm...
That's my girl!
Ow! Yes.
- See ya. - Wait. Wait.
Had to cut our string.
Bye.
See you later.
You're not blowin' up the school, are you?
Did you follow me here?
I'm just trying to get the lay of the land, so...
The lay of the land, huh?
Yeah.
I'm new, so I figured I could...
I don't know, memorize where everything was.
Not much to memorize.
So please tell me you're not blowing anything up.
Get the lights for me?
Okay, I read about this...
and I really wanted to try it.
Apparently, the electrons get excited.
I think it's so cool...
how they have human names, you know...
like, "excited," "aggressive," "lazy."
Ooh, some of them can even be "impure."
Hmm?
Let's see.
That is pretty cool.
But couldn't you just try this during class?
Nah. I hate chemistry.
Your secret's safe with me.
Hmm! Who would you tell?
Right. Uh, well, my mom's a chemist...
so I'd never make fun of you for liking this stuff.
Wendy!
Come on!
My brother Nathan.
Can we go home already... please?
You coming?
Uh... hey, I'm Sean.
Hi.
These are the classrooms.
Have you read The Watchmen?
I have all of them...
if you wanna, uh, come over, hang out.
Yeah. Yeah, I'll read 'em.
This is the library...
Or you could come over tomorrow...
- if you want. - And this is the meeting area...
where people like to get together...
and talk about the lack of respect...
in the public bathrooms.
Mm.
"Respect," again...
the word that comes up all the time.
So, tomorrow, come over, read 'em...
- Tomorrow or the... - Nathan!
Wendy.
This is me.
Ah, this is me.
Yeah, I know.
You know?
How do you know me?
I mean, l... I saw you around, you know.
I didn't know who you were.
Well, I'm gonna head inside.
You could come over, you know?
Ask my mom about impure electrodes or whatnot.
No, I'm cool. See ya.
Okay, fine.
Why'd you tell him he could come over on Saturday?
Why not?
# I like all the girls, and all the girls like me #
# Everybody, come on #
# Ah, ah, ah #
# It's not a question of confidence or retribution #
# I'd do anything to find a solution #
# Change my name in twelve states #
# Just to escape this prosecution #
# You know why? #
# I like all the girls, and all the girls like me #
# I like all the girls and all the girls like me #
# They tell me so #
# Ha! They tell me so #
# Oh #
# That's how I know, oh #
# Yeah, that's how I k-n-o-w #
He's here.
Hey.
- Hi. - Hey.
- Oh. - Oh, hey.
- Sorry. - Ahem...
Here, I, uh... I brought these.
I thought... I thought maybe you'd wanna read 'em.
- Ahem. - Yeah. That's...
That's cool, thanks.
- Yeah. - Come on.
So, uh, well, thanks for invitin' me over.
Oh, we're neighbors.
Yeah, so...
Holy shit.
Hmm?
My mom can barely make pop tarts.
Actually, um, I made 'em, so...
I made everything.
Did you make this for me?
Yeah, I did.
I mean, I don't really get a lot of guys over, so...
No. No, l... l... I mean, people.
- I don't get a lot... - No, no, no, that's...
I don't get a lot of people over.
- I don't... over. - Oh, yeah, yeah. No.
- Look... That... That's okay. I didn't mean - It's just, l...
- I didn't mean anything by that. - Because I just like to cook.
That... That's the thing. I like to cook.
- Okay. - It's...
I didn't, like, plan everything.
That would be weird. I've...
- I just... - I'm not gonna eat that one, um...
No. I'Il... I'll put that one back.
- Okay. - I just... No, really.
- I mean, like, this isn't a trap or anything. - I didn't think it was...
- I didn't think it was a trap. - Well, good, because...
if you just wanna try these.
- I mean, these are really easy to make. - That's actually...
- Um, I don't really... - So you can try these.
- I don't want to... - Oh, sh...!
- Um... - Mm-mm.
Uh...
- Yeah. - Um...
I'm gonna... I'll clean up.
- I'll help you clean up. - Good, I'm... I'm... No, that's fine.
- I'm just gonna go wash my hands. - Yeah, yeah.
I'm gonna... Why don't I clean up for you?
- Yeah, okay. - Just, uh...
Oh, God.
Hey, have you seen that kid, Sean, at school?
Barely.
He's so transparent, see-through.
He's from Chicago.
So did he transfer as a senior?
I guess.
Lots of people transfer.
Yeah, in third grade, people transferred.
People in our class have been there forever.
Dude, whatever.
He's boring.
Pasty and colorless.
Looks like a pigeon shat on his head.
Yeah.
He's actually really nice.
He's nice. Nice.
He's nice.
He is. He was nice to Nathan.
Oh, your brother's easy to be nice to...
like puppy dogs or homeless people.
Billie.
What?!
What?
- He's... - Nice.
It's not like I'm making him out...
to be Sean the Saint or anything.
If we were normal girls...
Which we're not.
We'd be all over that shit.
Okay, fresh meat.
Off the rack.
Thank God we're not normal.
Yeah.
Hey, hey.
Hey.
I really can't take you seriously...
with that on your head.
Pretty sexy.
Soda? Anyone? Would you like some?
- Please. - I would.
Your ass looks good in those jeans.
- Thank you! - You're welcome.
Oh, shoot.
Aw, Jesus.
Hey.
- Hey. - I was supposed to take that out.
I can do it.
Oh. Okay.
You need any help?
Sure. I mean, yeah.
Okay.
You know, it was really sweet of you to hang out with Nathan.
Yeah, sure.
Uh, Nathan's weird, but potentially very cool.
Temporarily weird.
Hmm.
Empirical proof that, uh, phases are real.
- Yuck. - Yeah.
Well, here. Let me help you.
Oh, thank you, Sean.
There we go.
Is your hand okay?
Yeah, you know, just when you touch something gross.
- Yuck - Oh... hmm.
Oh, no, not you.
Oh. Well, that's a relief.
- Not me. - I meant... I meant the trash.
Oh, okay.
Not you.
I'm gonna go inside.
Yeah. Yeah.
You know, um, you're kind of weird, too.
Did you make that up? I like that line.
Who says it was a line?
Well, if you're being earnest, then that's mean.
So does that mean you're hopeful I'm trying to pick you up?
"Pick me up."
What is this, like 1976?
You're pretty funny.
No, I'm not.
- Yeah, you are. You're... - Yeah.
You're smart, clever, funny, you like science.
And all that equals ugly.
Well, you're definitely not ugly.
Well.
You're just, um...
You're beautiful and smart.
Yeah, beautiful and smart.
I can't. I can't.
I can't.
- Okay. - I'm sorry.
- No, it's, uh... - Shit.
It's okay, um...
Um, I'm not available.
If you don't know that already...
then you're gonna find out soon.
Ahem... all right.
Um... yeah. Okay.
I, um... I gotta...
Yeah.
- Sorry about everything. - No, it's fine.
Have a good night.
Fuck!
Well, if it isn't Allyson...
coming to put her claws in Sean.
She's quite the little wench.
Yeah, apparently so.
Fuck, that was fast.
That poor boy has no idea what he's getting into.
Mommy. Mommy.
Come on, little bit.
Check it out.
Shh shh shh!
Get in the car.
Come on.
# Up, baby, up and down #
- # Come on # - # Down, down #
# Till you touch the ground #
# Up, baby, up and down #
# Come on #
# Shake it up like I knew you would #
# With a little bit of pole-shakin' action #
# A booty like that put boys in traction #
# Shake, baby, shake, baby, shake, don't stop #
# Knees in the air, got her derriere... #
So you met Wendy?
Uh, yeah, I met her.
Yeah. Then you know all about the group?
Uh... no.
Oh, come on, you know what I mean.
Horny.
I understand why the guys do it, but girls?
It's total depravity.
Hey, you know, you should talk to Ryan and Aaron.
Well, I mean, you know they got out.
# Pole-shakin' action, booty like that #
# Put the boys in traction #
# Run, run, run, grab them a honey-bun #
# Run, run, run, run #
What do you mean, "got out"?
What is it, like a cult or something?
I guess. I mean...
I don't really know what else you could call it.
Hey, don't you have to kill yourself to be in a cult?
Uh... I don't know, Allyson.
Ahem.
And... and they all have sex with each other.
Oh, it's pathetic. I know.
So how is what you're doing...
any different than what they're doing, I mean...
# Till you touch the ground #
# Up, baby, up and down #
Well, it just is.
# Till you touch the ground #
You know, I invite them here every single weekend...
and they never show.
They just think they're so much better than us.
# Till you touch the ground #
# Up, down #
Do you know they put a stripper pole?
That is so cool.
I'm gonna take a turn.
Okay.
# Up, down #
Hey, baby!
# Everybody want to give it up #
# Up, down #
# Stretchin' it, you go up, down #
# Mama wanna do the up, down #
# Daddy gonna do the up #
- Ryan! - Ryan!
- Hey! - Hey!
Hi!
# Such a small world #
# I seen her just the other day #
So, you know Wendy, right?
No. Really.
Um, look, I just want to, uh...
I heard you... You two were...
- I'm her next door neighbor, so you know what... - Yeah.
Look, we had this...
It was like a...
It was an arrangement, okay? The eight of us.
And when Aaron and I decided...
we didn't wanna be a part of it anymore, we left.
It's not like I had to be deprogrammed or anything.
Everybody wants it to be some big deal.
So it's like this club...
No. No.
- Okay, what is it, then? - It isn't an "it."
Okay. Wait, hold on for one second, okay?
Hey, you can go on in. I'm just...
Ahem... all right, so whatever...
Whatever this thing is...
it's enough of a thing where I can't talk to her, right?
No. I...
I don't know. Maybe you can talk to her at school.
Okay? You should...
You know, you should join the student council.
I mean, we all... They're all in it.
I don't do it anymore.
You're kidding, right, student council?
What, you thought we just hung out and smoked crack?
No. I don't know. L...
- I don't know. - Amnesty, we...
We did Model Congress.
Um, last year, we worked on two local campaigns.
Smart kids who have sex.
It happens.
I have a question.
- What? - I bet you do.
If you could torture anyone, who would it be?
Who would it be?
I would definitely want to torture Jack Black.
Why? He's funny.
He's perfect torture material.
He's so fat and cute. I love him.
He thinks he's funny, so he'd be laughing...
- Oh. - Till I made him cry.
Who would you torture?
- Lindsay Lohan. - Lindsay Lohan.
How'd I know you were gonna say that?
- I love you. - I love you.
- Oh, I love you. - Obvious and tired.
I love you.
Something original.
Hey, Ann, are you, uh...
Are you putting in or taking out?
Taking out.
I'm surprised your box isn't empty.
I'd torture Eminem without a doubt.
Why, Jonah?
Why the E-man?
He's so smug, you know?
It's like... I just wanna tie him up...
and shock him and stuff, you know?
- Like... - Bzzzz!
In a tub of water, like Abu Ghraib. Like, zzzz!
Nice. Oh, my God. He's a gay boy.
What do you want, guys?
Oh! Oh! Oh!
The marble that I stole in fifth grade.
- Why? - Huh?
- Because it's bad karma. - Really?
You don't know anything about karma.
I'll fuckin' show you bad karma, bitch.
Wait a second, I stole that marble...
- You did! - And you were holding onto it for me.
- Oh, my God. - Oh, my God, that's so right.
That's so right, right? Because somebody said...
- "Rah rah rah..." - Lisa Nishi.
- Dude! - Lisa Nishi!
Totally Lisa Nishi.
Said that if you stole the marble...
that she would let you sit with her...
like during lunch period or something?
I never said.
Who plays marbles, anyways?
- It's like dip-shitty 1957. - So...
Yeah.
- One Olsen. - No!
- That's all I'd ask for. - Uh-uh!
- I don't need both of 'em. - No way.
I just need one. If I could have one...
I would be so happy and stuff.
Seriously, it'd just be, I don't know, completely delicious...
- and in the event... - And then, there's another one?
- Yeah, yeah. - You can just do it all over again.
You wanna do it again? Then go. Two times.
Double the pleasure, and double the fun.
Suck on that.
- No. - Wendy, it's your turn.
- I love you. - I love you, too.
- What? - You can't mess with that.
- After... - Oh, really?
Let's see. I am puttin' in like a penis.
Oh, thank God.
You know, I'm so sick of everyone taking out.
You know, it's like first, you put it in the box...
and cry for whatever dumbass memory it stands for...
and then you fish it out, saying you want it back.
- It's like... - Crying?
- Who's crying. - You know what I mean?
- It's... - Who's crying now?
- I'm crying. I'm totally crying. - I'm just saying.
- No tears. - I feel sad.
No tears.
- That was a gift. - No tears.
What's left in Senorita Price's box?
Yeah.
It's like, "Ooh, this is the black nail polish I wore...
"when I wanted to be Goth."
Wait. What's it like?
- Hey, it's my box! - It's like, "Ooh."
I can do whatever I want.
- Yes... - Hey, in more ways than one, honey.
- Good point. - It is your box.
Thank you.
- Wendy, you're putting that in? - Yes.
Hootchie necklace, in it goes.
- That was a gift. - You know what?
You're the one always saying that we shouldn't apologize.
I don't think we're a fucking joke.
I don't think it's funny.
I'm funny.
You're freakin' hilarious.
Okay, either Abraham Lincoln...
- Whoa. - Or me at twelve years old.
Double whoa.
Fuck, that's such a good answer, man.
Yeah, I never thought of that.
Right there.
Well... I went.
We all went.
You fuckers gonna help me clean up?
- No. - No.
- Dude, you have a fucking maid, man. - I wish I cared.
- I really wish I cared. - Who'll report back to my fucking dad, man.
- I heard you. - I wanna get up.
I'm uncomfortable.
We suck.
Eat it.
Oh.
I think Price got really cute this summer.
Can we stop using that word, "cute"?
Bunnies are cute.
Pet rats are cute.
Men are sexy.
They're not really men yet, though, are they?
They will be.
- And they'll be our men. - Mm...
And in ten years, they'll be the strongest...
smartest men around, and they'll be all ours.
Mmm. In ten years?
- Yeah. - In 10 years, I won't be here...
Why not?
What, after all you've invested...
after almost seventeen years of training, of learning?
What, you just think you're gonna start from scratch?
Are you serious? What... What's your plan?
Are you just gonna get a big mansion in Utah or something?
We'll all live together!
Yes! Oh, yes!
- You'll see. - Yes.
We'll all go to college together...
and we'll get houses next door.
Hello.
- Oh! - Ow! Aha!
Oh, my head!
Aah!
You have like sixteen split ends.
Shut up.
Do you think that when we go to college that...
Shh!
This is the best time.
This is the time...
when we don't have to think about things like college.
It's Sunday.
You're a genius.
Shh. We're supposed to be having our quiet Zen time.
Ooh! Schedule! Give.
It's almost identical to mine.
What, you didn't hack into the computers...
get us all in the same classes?
That would be wrong, and I'm never wrong.
I have seen you so wrong.
Besides, if we all have the same classes...
we wouldn't have an opportunity to meet anybody new.
There isn't anybody new here, sweetheart...
except maybe the preschoolers.
No. Sean.
He moved in next door to Wendy, went out with Allyson.
Remember when tongue touching...
was like the weirdest thing in the world?
You know, you think that... that kissing somebody new...
is kinda like that, like... like touching tongues?
Think I totally skipped tongue touching...
and went straight for tongue wrestling.
I seem to recall.
I recall you were my willing victim.
That's what I remember.
# Aah #
Oh, yes, ain't nothing classier...
than a girl who'll go down on you in a basement.
I love that you are the arbiter of class.
Yeah, me too.
- Mmm! - Mmm!
Hey, jealous.
Oh!
- Mmm! - Hello.
- Mwah! - Mwah!
- Hey, guys. - Hello.
Hey, guys.
Rarr rarr rarr rarr rarr...
I think what Sophocles is saying...
is that man... like people, like man and woman...
they're in this battle that can't be won.
But they have to fight, you know...
'cause they have this nature...
this, what do you call it, nature?
Mm-hmm.
Like a Sicilian.
Right on.
That's great.
Ahem.
I'm just a guy, I'm not The Man.
You can contribute. Go ahead, talk.
Okay, uh...
Well, see, I actually...
I think you mean, um, Sisyphus.
Oh. Wait, we don't... We don't, um...
We don't correct people.
Um, we... You know, we...
We gather together, and we add things...
and we contribute and discuss...
but we don't correct.
Uh, everything that's brought to the circle has merit.
Do you have anything that you wanna contribute?
Promethean.
- Wendy? - If you're gonna help him out...
you might as well really help him out.
Promethean, not Sisyphean.
Oh, and for the record...
not everything said here has merit.
Scheisse.
Hey, will you walk me home?
Yep.
- Cool. - Bye.
Love you, guys, and I totally mean it.
No, she doesn't.
So, how many schools do we have in common?
For next year?
- Yeah. - Uh...
No, right now, dumbass.
Yeah, uh...
- Careful. - I don't know, maybe five.
Out of?
Uh, six or seven?
- Oh. - Yeah.
Those are pretty good odds, then, right...
that we'll all get in the same school?
Ooh, well, Jonah will get in wherever he wants.
But he'll go where we go.
Hmm.
Why?
Oh, oh!
I'll throw you in the water!
Oh! Pfft!
Sorry. Shh. It's okay.
- No. I'm not talking. - Everything under control.
- We are fighting. - I love you.
- We're fighting. - Love you. Mean it.
# Ooh, woman #
Ladies.
- I need a mike, too. - Testing, one, two.
- Testing. - I need a mike.
Are you trying to miss them?
- Yes! - Up, up!
- Nice! - Just right!
Let's see, Maude...
what the lovely Billie has for us tonight.
Are you ready, Rhonda? Are you ready?
Ladies and ladies...
That's me and you!
Get your sandwiches out and your wafers...
'cause we're ready to bid on some sexy fellas.
First up, we have Johnny!
Whoo!
- Whoo! Johnny Good Boy! - Yeah!
- Oh, my God!
- I do say.
Wearin' the traditional cowboy look...
with a little bit of pizzazz.
Get on up there, monkey.
Maureen, I gotta tell ya...
I've never seen pants so tight in my life.
Look at that.
- Is that right, Maureen? - That's fabulous.
That is about the best piece of ass I have seen in years.
I would do him eight Sundays in a row...
- and a Sabbath. - Witty!
Thank you.
- Hey, sexy. - Whoo!
Can l... Can l... Can l...
Can I just make an addition right here?
Yes, absolutely.
Cry-baby.
Cry...
A moment of silence for Depp.
Right.
- Okay! - And anyway!
- Very nice. - Nice.
Love him.
Next up, we have...
Bernard.
- Bernard?! - Bernard?!
Ay, dios mio!
- Very nice! - Oh, baby!
- Oh, my gosh. - I love him.
Look at his hair!
- Get up over there. - Maude, you can see...
the fabulous faux leather pants.
Those were featured last week in US weekly by Nicole Richie...
actually, in a bra.
Didn't really fit her, though.
- You look amazing. - Atta, boy.
- You think so? - Amazing.
- That ass. That ass. - I'm learnin' how to walk in them.
Billie, how long did it take you to do his hair?
- Oh, baby. - Ten seconds.
What? I've tried to do that with mine. It's short.
Aah!
Pull the pants down!
- Those look very nice. - Whoo!
- Eat the microphone. - Oh, no!
Eat it.
- Yes! - No!
Oh, look, he's like a little brontosaurus.
- Oh, God. - That's right.
I'm gonna vomit.
Very nice, gentlemen.
And last, but definitely not least, we have... Chip!
- Chip? - Chip!
Brrrr... oww!
- Very nice. - That Chippey.
Ay ay ay!
# Wah wah wah #
Yeah!
I love the anarchist touch.
Yes!
Who's got dollar bills? We're gonna...
- Yeah! - I don't, but I have cookies.
Hey!
- Bling-bling. - Put 'em in the shorts! Put 'em in the shorts!
- Ho! - Whoa!
- Ho! - I am definitely feeling special at this moment.
- Oh! - Look at that ass, Maur.
Oh, my God.
Uh... my goodness.
The belt, uh... an added touch. I like it.
- I think that's a new model. - Whoo!
Very nice.
Whoo!
You can see they've been prepping for the Olympics...
- all summer, George. - # Bad monkey #
# Dance for us #
Hoo-ahh!
- Now tell us a little something... - Gotta make your own money.
- About this fabulous outfit. - Make your own money!
# Dum dum dah dah #
Whoo!
- # Da nah nah nah nah # - I don't have dollar bills...
- but I have cookies. - # B-b-b-bad #
Cookies.
- Dance, little monkeys! - Yeah!
Whoo! Whoo!
- Lovely! - Who's gonna eat that?
Billie, I would like to congratulate you...
on a wonderful display.
Yay!
Your fashion lineup's so beautiful...
- so moving, so revolutionary. - Thank you.
My babies.
Um, now if you'd all like to join us on the table.
We slaved over this meal all day.
We've been slaving over this meal all day long.
- Would you see...
Sandwich.
Bitches, I want my peanut butter, jelly sandwich.
I... Yeah.
Morning.
- Morning, Mom. - Morning.
I would kill for your body.
Best thing I can say is don't get pregnant.
I'd have a flat stomach by now...
if I'd stayed a person and not become a mother.
Mom!
Exactly.
Geez. Can we go?
Hold on.
How?
You go.
Where?
Go see if he wants a ride.
Shut up.
He'll think I'm gay.
What?
Why?
Well, I don't know.
So go.
But I'm not gay.
Why do you even care?
I completely care.
Are you gonna ask a girl out today?
- Hmm? - Mm, no.
No?
Then be a little gay for me.
You be a little gay.
Guess you're our new neighbors.
Yeah. I'm your next door Nathan.
Sorry?
I mean, I'm your next door neighbor, Nathan.
Helen.
Okay.
Well?
I forgot.
Sorry. It's... I...
What?
Hi.
Hey.
Um, my brother was supposed to come over here...
and ask if Sean wanted a ride to school.
What happened?
Well, I think he was dropped on his head as a child.
My brother, not your son.
- Well, that would be great. - Yeah.
The ride, not the head drop.
You rang?
Sorry. I thought that was Sean's room.
It is.
Well, uh, tell him he's got a ride waiting.
All right.
So I heard you were a scientist.
Yeah, I am, actually.
I'm in a bit of a holding pattern...
- but are you interested in science or math? - Yeah.
A little bit, so...
Ready?
- Yeah. - See ya.
See ya.
- Wendy. - We need your help.
Billie's acting as the big, bad wolf again.
Ooh!
Dorito?
Is there a problem, ladies?
Women.
We wanna be referred to as women.
Women.
Yes, "women," I think it's time to go.
We're leaving?
Yeah.
We have a senior meeting and some other... things...
- Okay. - To do.
I'll go to a "thing."
No, I said some other things.
- That, too. - Hey. Psst!
Don't be an instigator.
Well, I was just tryin' to make sure...
our little housewife is bein' a good girl.
What do I always tell you?
Because they named her Ryan...
After a soap opera.
Don't name kids after soap operas.
Mm! How many times do we have to tell you people?
Hope you weren't counting on a basketball scholarship.
You know, it's impossible to be with me.
You know that, right?
You wanna be with me, don't you?
Well, I wanna kiss you.
I mean, pretty much every time I see you...
I wanna kiss you.
You know Ryan?
She used to be one of my best friends...
and now we don't even talk anymore.
And Aaron?
Aaron.
I've seen him naked a bunch of times, you know.
He's like my ex-boyfriend.
You have ex-girlfriends, right? It's like the same thing.
Oh, I don't know if that's the same.
I know you don't.
It doesn't make any sense.
What? Why I'm so naturally athletic?
You never even asked me if it's true.
Well, is it?
It's like a Greek tragedy waiting to happen.
I don't live in that world.
Oh, yeah? And what world is that?
The world of boyfriends...
of... of... of holding hands, of first dates?
No, you jackass.
Of disposable girlfriends and bracelets for blowjobs...
and making out and macking...
and hooking up and going down...
and text-messaging some guy...
that's gonna come all over my shirt. Ha ha!
That world.
Well, you don't know what you're missing.
Really? I can take a guess.
Okay, so what about the other world?
The world where there's just one girl and one guy...
and, you know, we just go out with each other, nobody else?
- What about that world? - Hmm.
You mean Fairy Tale Land?
I've heard of that place.
Well, what if it was real?
You gonna rescue me, huh?
Just you and me against the world?
If you want me to.
Mm.
Hmm?
Did you just sigh?
Um... ahem. No, it was...
Did I hear a little sigh right now?
No, there was no sigh.
It was just, l... I made a noise.
Kind of sounded like a girl in...
- Christ. - A romance novel.
Well, I don't know what to say.
I just made a noise. It was...
- Mmm. - Mmm.
Ohhhh... ahhhhh!
- Mmmmm! - Yes!
- Oh! - Oh!
- Did you hear that? We did that! - Awooo!
Hey...
Leave them, okay?
You just be with me.
Maybe.
Yeah.
Maybe what?
- Maybe - Maybe what?
Maybe...
Price?
Oh, thank God.
What?
You're gonna laugh.
No, I'm not.
Your hair.
Yeah.
I brought these pictures into this guy.
He was really cool.
He had tattoos on his fingers, and...
Wow. I just, uh...
You don't like it?
I think it's cool.
What? You know...
I mean, you think people will notice?
Yeah. Yeah.
Be worse if they didn't.
Would it?
I heard you thought I got, uh, hotter.
Mmm, I think I said cuter.
Oh. Is there a difference?
No, you did.
Lost a little bit of weight, you've been workin' out.
And got a nose job.
What?
Yeah. And I do crunches every day.
A hundred, sometimes five hundred.
I don't understand. A nose job?
Yeah.
I wanna look good for you guys.
I mean, it's worth it to me...
to have all of you, each of you.
And... I'd get ten more surgeries...
and do a thousand more sit-ups for you.
I mean, wouldn't you?
For all of us?
Hey.
Okay.
You wanna walk over to Robert's with me?
Yeah?
Okay.
Um... I can't.
Sorry.
Hi.
Beer?
Really? Beer?
I don't know.
I really...
I really tried. I just wasn't like, um...
Wasn't...
Listen, don't ever fake it, right?
Right.
Because faking it is for dumbass girls...
who hook with up with the first guy...
in baggy jeans and some earth-fucking SUV.
And we are not those girls.
You are not that girl.
Really?
Then what kind of girl am I?
A very bad girl.
Seriously.
"And when she was good, she was very good.
"But when she was bad...
"she was horrid."
Oh!
Oh, shit.
Hi.
Are you okay?
Um...
I don't know what I'm doing here.
I can't promise I'm not gonna jump you...
in the middle of the night.
# I swear I don't know what time it is #
# But I know this means #
# Nothing much to me #
# And I hear the voices #
# Telling me to let go #
# Let go #
# Telling me to let go #
# Let go #
# Telling me to let go #
# To let go #
I can't.
Y-You can't, and then you can.
You don't, and then you do.
I mean... how much more of this...
am I supposed to take?
Just till graduation.
Oh, great.
Okay. All right, fine.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
What, now you want me?
- Why? - Hmm?
You can't wait seven months for me?
- You know what, if you were gonna join... - Just seven months.
If you were gonna join the Army or something...
you know, then... then, yeah, maybe...
but you're gonna hook up with three guys...
for the next seven months.
You know what? I don't... I don't think I can.
Hey.
Yeah?
You wanna be like your parents?
Yeah, I guess. They seem pretty happy.
Yeah, I guess.
You know what?
What?
You should meet me this afternoon.
- Yeah? - Mm-hmm.
I don't know.
Maybe. Maybe, okay?
- Maybe? - Maybe, yeah.
- Wait here. - Ooh.
Ohh!
Hi.
- Hi. - Hi.
Um... is Sean home?
Uh, I think he's still at school.
Okay.
So, uh, he actually lent me...
He, um...
He lent me these comics.
I read them.
Do you need help with anything?
Unpacking?
So do you stay home all day?
You mean, like a housewife?
God, no.
I work for a drug company in research and development.
I used to teach science part-time, but, you know...
now that Sean's grown up...
I... I get to have a real, full-time job.
So...
you didn't go to work today, right?
Uh, no. L... I took a little time to get settled.
You know, but...
doesn't seem to be that much to do.
What does, uh, your...
Um, you know, Sean's dad...
- What's he do? - Oh, Bill.
He's in finance, um, you know, banking.
The funny thing is, he's...
he's, like, really bad with money. Terrible.
Except if it's like millions.
I guess it's not that funny.
No. Guess not.
Wow.
You... You made that from my cupboard?
Yeah, I mean, be better with some fresh hazelnut...
and some powdered sugar...
but it's... it's still really good.
Here, let me get you a fork.
Mmm.
You cook a lot?
Yeah. At home, a lot.
You know, first it just started out...
with, you know, the simple, basic...
just steak, rice, and green beans...
not that my mom or my sister even noticed, but...
Then I just started to teach myself lots of things.
You know, I'm pretty much self-taught.
Just... I just taught myself...
how to make, um, fresh bread and... and pastries.
Those are really, really easy.
Who knew?
I'll teach you a couple things...
um, for Bill.
Uh... but right now, I'm actually working...
on a glazed salmon with risotto.
- Oh. - So, yeah.
Did you know you have to drive ninety minutes for frisee?
It's ridiculous, but...
You can cook for me anytime.
Really?
Absolutely.
Ooh! Oh!
Ow, ow!
Ow!
You landed on your butt!
- No, I landed on my knee... - Oh!
And I broke it, actually.
- It wasn't that bad. - Thanks.
Ow!
Oh, shut up. That didn't hurt.
- No, your rings. - Oh. Sorry.
All right, that's okay.
Wow. Hit me again.
Come on, hit me for real.
- What? - Yeah, come on.
Hit me for real.
I wanna see what it feels like to get spanked.
No, I'm not gonna hit you.
Come on.
If I'm telling you it's okay, then you're not gonna hurt me.
Come on, spank me.
No.
Why not?
- Because... - I've never been spanked before...
- Yeah, well... - not once.
Well, I have been spanked, okay?
My... I got spanked when I was a kid for stealing.
It hurts, it's cruel.
I'm never spanking my kids.
I'm certainly not gonna spank you.
You have to.
You know, sometimes they're bad, and they have to learn.
I never learned.
Spank me, please.
Come on, just once.
All right, this is... This is gonna be quick...
and then...
- Okay, you know what? - Come on. Keep going.
- This is really weird. - Why'd you stop?
- Keep going. - No, I can't.
This... This is abnormal.
I'm not abnormal.
No, I didn't say you were abnormal.
I just said this was...
Fine, fine, fine.
I'm abnormal, and you just want the girl next door.
Uh, you are the girl neXt door.
You know what I mean!
Look, come back, please?
- No, I have calculus. - This is ridiculous.
Yeah, yeah, well, so do I.
So, go to work.
Look, don't you want me to take you out on dates?
You know, like, we'II...
we'll sip ice cream sodas...
we'll have picnics in the park, that kind of thing?
I mean, don't you want that?
Shouldn't we have done that before we had sex?
I'm sorry.
I don't...
I mean... Ahem... I don't know how to do this.
L... l... I don't know how to be a girlfriend.
I'm not sure I even wanna know how.
Come here.
Come here. Get over here.
What do you want?
Uh, I want world peace.
Oh, look, Sarcastic Man...
able to be a jerk in a single bound.
Yeah, bite me.
No, no! Don't bite me!
You're not gonna break me.
I promise.
Ohh.
So you guys never did this before...
on your Saturday nights?
Ohh... no.
No?
I don't know...
how much I believe you.
Are we talking or spanking?
We're spanking.
Ow, fucker.
Everybody has to be into it.
Not everybody likes to get spanked, I guess.
Do you?
Ow!
- Stop. - No. Look, put your fuckin' hands down, okay?
There's no hitting me, you hear that?
There's no hitting me.
Oh, yeah? We're making rules now?
Yeah.
I thought you'd like it if we had rules.
Don't you...
Don't you have rules in your little club?
Stop calling it that.
Well, what would you call it?
They're my best friends.
I've known them since elementary school...
and I love them.
Why?
Ow.
Okay, okay, okay. All right.
It's your game, okay?
You make it sound perverted when you call it that.
You don't think it's perverted?
No, I don't.
I never worry, like about if I'm pretty or sexy.
Never worry about going to parties or being alone...
because I love them.
They're really cool people.
Who you like to fuck.
So?
I like to sleep with you, too.
You're never gonna make me feel like they do.
So are those the only rules?
Be honest.
That's the other one.
I guess you're breakin' that one with me.
Yeah.
Come here.
So were you lying?
When?
When you said you loved me?
I never said that.
But you do.
Yeah.
Yeah, so say it then.
I love you.
Yeah?
Say it back.
Maybe I will if, uh...
No, you don't have to.
I love you.
This is where we kiss now, right?
# I can't stand it, I'm gonna explode #
# My insides comin' out #
# So what do I do now? #
# So what if I don't know how? #
# So what? #
She won't do it, will she?
Huh?
What, are you thinking of running away?
How 'bout we play the whole fantasy game...
Jonah was talking about?
We'll hold you down.
We'll make you scream.
Shut up, Billie.
Hey, you have no idea what it means if she leaves right now.
- It doesn't mean anything. - We're fine.
- Stop being such a brat, huh? - You can't force her.
That's a rule.
You can stop if you want.
- Yeah, we can stop. - No! We can't fucking stop!
We don't stop! We don't turn back!
Hey, psycho, let me know when Billie returns.
Fuck you! Hey!
Look at me, huh? Look at me.
Look at you, okay?
We are seventeen...
and we are never gonna look like this again.
We want it. Our bodies want it.
I don't want it.
Well, fuck you.
- Billie, Billie! - Fucking whore!
- Fuckin' bitch! - How original!
All right. All right.
Let's just break up the fight, all right. It's a joke.
You either do Jonah right now, or you are so completely gone.
- Do him?! - Hold on!
Do him? We don't fucking do each other!
Who the fuck are you?
Hey! I'm not kidding!
- Wait! Let's stop. - I'm not kidding!
Let's just stop. Let's just stop.
- Let's just stop. - Shut up the fuck up, Ann!
- Billie! - Shut up. Huh?
You gonna go crying to your boyfriend...
tell him how you almost cheated on him?
Shut up, Billie.
- Hold on. - What?
- Boyfriend? - Shut up.
Run.
Run!
# Pinned to the earth #
# Like the scars #
# On my hand, aren't you, son? #
- Is that your boyfriend? - Huh?
Yes.
Oh, look how cute and cuddly you guys are together.
Maybe you're thinking about getting married...
and having kids, or maybe you wanna have kids...
and then get married and get furniture together.
- Shut the door. - You know what is so fucked up?
Nobody ever gets to be a girlfriend.
It's always my girlfriend, my car, my dog.
It is my car.
You are just a barely conscious amoeba...
just willing to give up...
your own fucking individuality for a dick!
Aah!
I'd rather not have sex again than be like you!
# Won't go #
# The air weighs a ton #
# What have we become now? #
# What have we become? #
# What have we done? #
# What have I done? #
# We lit forth the run #
# What have we become? #
# What have I done? #
# Fallin' down #
Ahem...
Uh, is, uh, is Helen here?
Uh...
Could you just tell her that Nathan's here with the salmon?
Look, uh, this isn't really a good time, all right?
We're kind of in the middle of somethin'.
What is that?
It's a salmon with risotto.
I promised Helen that when I got it finished...
I would bring it over to her for her to try.
If it's okay, can I just come in and...
Okay, look, uh, Mason...
Nathan.
Nathan, could you either just, uh, leave that here...
or, like, leave a message, okay?
Actually, if I could just...
Look, I gotta get back to her right now, all right?
Go home.
You can bring your glazed whatever the...
- Salmon. - Salmon tomorrow, okay?
Go home!
Kid outside wants to deliver a fish.
You are such a shit.
What?
He's a nice kid.
Hmm.
Is this okay?
Oh, well, you tell me.
I don't know.
It's not too, like, cute or something?
- Okay, hold on for a second. - What? Hey.
How about this? How about...
How about we lock down the premises...
- Stop. - Here to make sure nobody sees us...
- Hey! - Holding hands, huh?
Hey, this is hard for me, too.
- Be nice. - I am nice.
Be nice.
You're right.
I'll be nice, okay?
I'll be nice.
It's just holding hands.
This is okay, I promise.
All right.
This... This is okay.
What about this?
This might be breaking some rules, right?
What?!
I hate you.
What?
You left.
Oh, God. Jesus.
Stop, hey.
You left.
Now's not the time to push people away.
Really? What is it the time for, Ryan?
You know what? You're lucky.
See, when I left, I only had Aaron.
You've got me and Aaron...
and Sean.
Lucky me.
I knew you'd leave.
Mmm.
You don't know shit.
Wendy.
What?
You sound ridiculous when you swear.
What's up with your slut clogs?
Aaron loves sluts.
I like doing nice things for him.
Why did you quit Amnesty...
and student government?
Billie.
Yeah, so you quit.
Yeah.
Sean's great.
Hey.
You look nice.
Thanks.
Are you okay?
Yeah.
He didn't put some sort of voodoo spell on you, did he?
No.
Good.
Hey, you know...
I wanted to leave once, before Ryan and Aaron even.
Why didn't you?
Too chicken, I guess.
Was it for another guy?
Yeah.
Anyway, I just...
I just wanted to tell you that I was proud of you.
You know what? It was brave.
Stupid, but brave.
I wish I could have done it, but... whatever.
I got to tell you, though, if I left...
I'd make sure to destroy it all on my way out.
You know, like scorched earth, American G.I. Style.
If you leave the enemy resources, uh...
they'll use them.
Billie took your box.
I'm sorry.
I'll see you.
Your friends... all of us...
we don't wanna let you go...
and we won't do it.
What if I want to?
If you were a mother...
and your kid was about to lose a limb...
I don't know.
Wouldn't you maybe fight to keep it?
That's not really the same thing.
Oh, well, we feel it is.
Oh, are you speaking for everyone now?
- Yeah. - Mm-hmm.
I don't believe you.
Sorry.
This is you terrified...
alone...
and you have no idea what to do.
He wants me, and that kills you.
Not so far.
I'm not the box, Billie.
You are.
You're a sad, pathetic...
limited, little box.
Hello!
Hi.
Oh, yeah, God forbid your kiddy porn gets ruined.
That's not what's in here.
No. It's all puppies and "I love unicorns"...
and tapioca pudding.
It's not porn. It's just...
They made you do it, right?
Screw you.
I don't know how to do this.
I mean, what do we do now?
We fight? What do we do?
You don't get to be the innocent little girl after...
Uch!
Uch, what? What, this?
What, this stuff? This is real. This happened.
What are you so afraid of?
What, you just want me...
to magically become a virgin again?
Yes.
You're not fuckin' serious.
I want you to burn it, okay?
I want you to burn that box.
You're delusional.
I mean, does this...
Does any of this have any value to you?
Imagine all the memories that you've ever had...
all the embarrassing, funny...
great moments with a girlfriend...
without whatever, fucking by yourself.
Imagine it all in one place. Now you burn it.
I would.
Don't be average.
It's not different.
Either you're in this with me, or you're not.
But I showed up.
I am not a new me, okay?
I'm not new now just because you met me!
Okay, fine. Fine.
You could really forget about everything, huh?
You could forget everything if I just burned that box?
- Yes. - That I was ever somebody different.
Yes, I would.
And if you could just stop reminding me of it every day.
What are you doing?
I miss her.
Fuck her!
Are you crying?
Yeah, fuck you, too!
Fuck you, Billie...
you manipulative bitch.
Fuck you.
So you're gonna come on Saturday, huh?
- Yeah. - Yeah.
Do you remember what you're saying yes to?
No. Do you? Well... we're having dinner...
- with my parents. - Where's your little group now?
Whore!
You're gonna do it tonight, right?
Wendy, you're gonna burn the box, right?
What?
Get out, Billie!
- Roll on out, Billie! - Aww!
Oh, poor Billie!
I have to see if she's okay.
No, come on.
Please don't go. Don't go to her.
I'm not gonna burn it.
I'm not gonna say I'm sorry...
- for what happened. - Okay just keep...
- Keep your voice down! - I'm not gonna apologize!
I just gave up five of the best people in the world for you!
Yeah, five people who you slept with!
So what?!
So what? They meant something to me!
I'm just... I just walked out and destroyed my life...
and walked away for this?!
This is me, okay?
I'm offering you me.
Me in exchange for the five of them, okay?
That's what I'm offering you.
This...
This is a fairy tale, okay?
That's what this is.
W-Wendy...
You don't want me as a girlfriend.
You remember Miss Hise's class?
We tortured her daughter, Greer.
Well, she carried these book bags.
Oh, she smelled fucking terrible.
I totally remember that.
And then in, like, the third grade...
what? I decided to do this dance...
remember, when my parents split up?
Like that movie, Flashdance?
We saw on that on cable.
- Oh! - Yeah.
And I can see it. I see.
I can see little third grade me...
like getting up there to do the dance.
I wanna tell her to stop, and I can't.
I am so embarrassed just even thinking about it.
Yeah.
Hey, your friends, all of us...
I...
I don't want to let you go.
I love you.
Yeah, me, too.
Yeah.
Hug me, bitch.
He wants me to burn the box.
Of course, because then he could pretend...
like you're a virgin...
and then he'd be the conquering hero.
What's so heroic about conquering a labia?
Labia?
What, you mean, like vag'?
"Vag'."
I hate that word.
Hey, you totally, like, know that we're like...
two of the most awesomest people in school, right?
Yeah, we're so the awesomest.
And you do know...
that he's not gonna let you or your labia go, right?
If he asks, I'll just say no.
Or you say yes...
and you end up shitting all over this family again.
It's not gonna happen.
It's not.
Look, just saying it twice isn't gonna make it true.
You have to make it impossible for him to ask.
You have to go in there and show him the worst in you...
so he knows it's over.
Yeah, scorched earth, huh?
Hi.
We're scaring you.
You're disturbing us, Billie.
Oh, gosh, we're sorry.
Do it.
Did she ever tell you where the scar came from?
All the girls know about it...
but the guys didn't.
Didn't know about Uncle Bob.
I believe it was "dear, old Uncle Bob."
And that, what, he smelled like Aqua Velva...
and tasted like Doritos?
And that dear, old Uncle Bob, well, he liked to touch you.
Shut up.
Bitches.
Billie, let's go.
Ryan here...
she liked it.
What, um...
it made her feel all...
How did it make her feel, Wendy?
Hot.
Hot?
What about, um...
What about gang rape, huh?
We used to play gang rape.
That wasn't me.
We used to pretend like we were firemen?
Or how you used to cut yourself with an Exacto blade?
You thought you were a vampire...
all the way through eighth grade.
Stop!
How about the fact that Jonah and Robert...
had been sleeping together for three years, huh?
Or how Ann's mother used to tie her hands together...
so she wouldn't touch herself anymore?
Or how I pissed all over myself at that spelling bee...
in third grade?
Or how Aaron puked when you got your period in fifth?
What about the fact that Price cheated on us at spring break...
and gave everyone crabs?
How about that?
Yeah, we're a fucking awesome family!
You can burn the box.
I don't need it anymore.
# Super automatic pilot, motor runnin' down #
# Circles in the parking lot #
# Self-sustaining system #
# Bit her in the neck and quick and kissed her #
# And took all she got #
# Did you come here to dance? #
# What's in your glass? #
# Do you feel better? #
# Let it rain, let it pour #
# Hallelujah #
# Let it rain, let it pour #
# Cruise-control distressed her #
# Kind of cursed and kind of blessed her #
# Engine running on the fumes #
# Vision blue and blurry #
# Falling angels in a flurry #
# Spinning through the empty room #
# Did you come here to dance? #
# What's in your glass? #
# Do you feel better now? #
# Let it rain, let it pour #
# Hallelujah #
# Let it rain, let it pour #
# Super automatic pilot, motor running down #
# Circles in the parking lot #
# Self-sustaining system #
# Bit her in the neck and quick and kissed her #
# And took all she got #
- # Let it rain, let it pour # - # Hallelujah #
# Let it rain, let it pour #
- # Let it rain, let it pour # - # Hallelujah #
# Let it pour #
# Hallelujah #
# Let it pour #
# Hallelujah #
# Let it pour #
# I can't stand it, I'm gonna explode #
# My insides comin' out #
# There is a thin layer filling these cracks #
# And it's made of doubt #
# But I can't doubt this, not just yet #
# The good is much too great #
# There is a thin layer lining this cloud #
# And it's carrying its weight #
# So what do I do now? #
# So what if I don't know how? #
# So what do I do now? #
# So what? #
# So I can't stand it, I'm gonna implode #
# My outside's comin' in #
# There is a brick wall building itself #
# And it wants it all forgotten #
# But I can't forget, not just yet #
# The good is much too fine #
# There is a brick wall #
# Aiming to destroy and seek in a little sunshine #
# So what do I do now? #
# So what if I don't know how? #
# So what? #